One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
