There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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