Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
