Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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