I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
