I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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