Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
