Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
