he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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