You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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