You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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