Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
