He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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