Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize