Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
