I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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