Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize