Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
