every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
