At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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