Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
