some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
our cab driver is having phone sex.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
