If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize