i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
