Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
