He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
