He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just threw up on my dentist
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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