i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
