Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
