I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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