I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
