i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
