Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
