Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
