my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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