When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize