Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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