I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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