i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
