He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
