I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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