Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize