I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
