my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
