Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
