everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
