i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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