Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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