look no pants
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
