Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
