He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
