We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A+ Viking dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
