Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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