just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
