It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
