so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
