why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
