Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i came on her dog
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
