Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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