I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
