I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
