CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You are the jesus of drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
