You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
