I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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