Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
