i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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