You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
