so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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