After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
