Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
