We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
