we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
