so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
