Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
