You made me cry and you don't even care
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize