Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
