my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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