wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
