Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
