can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
