I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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