yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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