Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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