We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
