you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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