you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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