just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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