spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
